"I think you owe it to God and to yourself..."

A Big Crisis... Email Correspondances:

From: Mhari
To: St Cecilias Abbey
Sent: Saturday, April 15, 2006 12:45 PM
Subject: discernment

Hello,

I've never written an email to a convent before, most of the places I've visited have been less technologically advanced than you!

I heard about your community through a friend of mine, and came across your website when I was browsing. My name's Mhari, I'm a final year student nurse, I'm 24, and I've been discerning my vocation to religious life for just over 2 years. I've recently applied to join the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal (CFR), who are an "active" (I don't like that word, as it implies that you aren't... but you know what I mean!) order based in New York, this September, however, I've also recently begun to attend a more traditional church, a community of the Oratory of St Phillip Neri, and a brother in the community has been trying to talk me into entering an order that chants the office in Latin, and while the CFR's do pray 5 of the offices, they don't generally chant, and seldom pray in Latin... and I love it, and do think it's beautiful, but it seems a bit silly (to me) to consider (or otherwise) a community based solely on that. However I'm a little afraid that it's more important than I'm giving it credit for, and find it difficult to know if I'm just having last minute nerves, or if this is really a prompting from God.

I guess I'm mostly writing to ask for advice, rather than requesting to visit at this stage, over the past couple of years I've felt some kind of drawing to an enclosed order, and because I fell in love with Franciscan spirituality, I've visited a couple of communities of Poor Clares, but really didn't feel called there. I assumed that the reason God had given me this yearning was because the CFR are very based in prayer, which is the first thing in their lives, and their apostolic work comes second to that, however I do see the beauty and value in your way of life.

I'm not sure if this email will make much sense, I haven't spoken to my spiritual director about it as he's away for a month over Easter (he's the university chaplain, and is off giving retreats elsewhere), anyway, if nothing else, I would very much appreciate your prayers.

May God give you His peace!

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And this morning, I got a response:

From: Sr Mary David
To: Mhari
Sent: Monday, April 7, 2006 16:45 PM
Subject: Abbey

Dear Mhari,

Surrexit Dominus vere, alleluia!

Thank you for your very good email, describing where you are in your discernment. It may be as you say, a momentary "blip", a case of last minute nerves; but it may be something else. I think you owe it to the Lord and to yourself to "test the spirits to see if they are of God." I realize you were not requesting a visit, but the best way for you to know whether you are truly called to an enclosed order is to "come and see." The fact that you still feel drawn to a cloistered community, even after visiting some Poor Clare communities, could mean that the Lord is gently trying to direct you elsewhere. It may be that what you have received from the Franciscans is meant to be a stepping stone to something else. This has been the experience of many I've known, whose desire to follow the Lord came in one way (through one of the newer movements) and their vocation in quite another. Where you have been, what you have received, and where you are now, are always part of a vocation, but they may not be the vocation, if you know what I mean. I hope this has helped. Be assured of my prayers for you, and do let me know if I can be of further help. And do give our love to Becky. I will be thanking her soon for the creme eggs she sent to the Community!

Wishing you every blessing and peace in the Risen Lord, Sr Mary David

PS I am sorry for not replying immediately, but with so much going on, on Saturday and Sunday, the emailing checking got neglected.


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So there's my crisis for today... I replied to say that I'm going to talk with my Spiritual Director, and then email back. It's no big deal, I'll go visit, then I can enter the CFR this September without looking back... I hope...