Vocation Vocation Vocation...

I posted a response to someone having a vocation crisis on xt3, and figured that seeing as I'd spent so much time explaining how I thought discernment is, I'd post it here, incase I never get my act together to write from scratch!

In the past 3 years I've gone from hating the idea of religious life... to realising God wanted me to be a nun (or sister) and being over the moon... to deciding to visit the CFRs... to thinking He wanted me to be a cloistered Poor Clare... to feeling called to the CFRs... to meeting a lovely young man and thinking maybe it wasn't Gods will for me to be a nun... to realising very quickly that it was... to feeling even more called to the CFRs... to applying to enter (CFR again)... to feeling drawn to St Cecillias (enclosed Benedictines)... to where I am now, that I am so excited that God seems to be calling me to the CFR. And all these transitons came with long periods of waiting and prayer, and most of them with a great deal of suffering. The cross is always with us. However I am so peaceful now, because I've realised that what God wants is so simple: For us to try to do His will at every moment. So with me, at the moment, I am so peaceful in the knowledge that God's Will is for me to apply to the CFRs, I still don't know if He's calling me there, and I wont know for sure until I make final vows, but as Fr Luke (the vocations director for the Friars) said in his vocations e-letter:

When it comes to discerning a vocation, I am under the impression that we all want God to take our free-will away. "If only I could have one apparition of Our Lady so that she could tell me my vocation! Then I would get on with it in total peace!" An authentic calling always comes in the form of an invitation. We must freely respond. Your free-will must always remain intact (this is a sign that you are encountering the grace of God). There will always be a "leap in faith" element to answering your vocation. Do not fall into the trap of waiting for absolute certainty. Do not be afraid to give everything to Jesus Christ! NOW!

He said the same thing to me last time I visited when I was sobbing like a lunatic in confession because I wasn't certain that God was calling me there, even though I loved it so much.

So the point of this all is, as long as we pray, frequently recieve the Sacraments, get a spiritual director, and try to live God's Will at every moment, He will tell us, and He might wait a year... or two... or ten... or make it clear next week. As my SD says, "God's not a joker" He isn't trying to trick us, or catch us out, or make us miserable, if He calls us to something we will know because we have joy and peace... we'll want to do it! People are always stressing... don't! God loves us.

Also, with parents, they can be so hard, my relationship with my mother hasn't been the same since I told her about my vocation 18 months ago, and I can't begin to tell you how hard losing that close bond has been. God does demand sacrifices, but it would be impossible for me to say, "ok, I'm destroying my mother with this vocation, I'll just give it up and get married", because even leaving God's plan out of it: I would be miserable, my husband would be miserable, and eventually Mum would be miserable.

The CFR have some suggested reading on their vocations page, some of which will be relevent for people considering all vocations, some of which (Their constitutions, for example!) will only be useful to those considering a vocation specifically to them.

The last thing is: this Easter, when I began considering St Cecilias some of my friends were like: "that's great, I think you'd be much better off with them" and I thought, "that must be it, God's calling me to an enclosed order", after all it is harder, I would only see my family once or twice a year, and then through a window, I would only see those of my friends who loved me enough to come all that way for an hours visit (through the window), I would never get to go to another Youth 2000 festival, or visit the Holy Name, or walk through the streets of my home town... it's a greater sacrifice, so it must be better. Plus, as I understand it, an enclosed vocation is a "higher" vocation (not better, the best thing is to do God's Will, but higher, kind of as a Bishop is higher that a Priest). I posted the correspondance I had with Sr Mary David (St Cecilias) on my blog, and almost immediately a girl from America, who I don't know, posted a comment:

I'm so glad that I came across your lovely blog! I understand your vocation crisis, as I went through a period of discernment last fall.

I thought, "great... she's going to say that she had thought about entering an 'active' order, and then realised that God was calling her to be a contemplative, and she'll be telling me to take courage and follow God however hard it is... I went to her blog and actually she had felt drawn to the contemplative life, but after prayer realised that God was actually calling her to marriage. What God wants is just for us to be happy, and that could be as a priest, if it's His Will then that will make you happy, or it could be as a husband and father, the same applies. But the thing which seems harder is sometimes but not always the best.

I think that's all, time to go to bed :)

may God give you His peace!